Broken (Blackwater Pack) Read online

  So, of course, what I couldn’t have chose that moment to make a shirtless appearance to yet again show me all the things I couldn’t have.

  “Talk to me, Larkin,” Skye ordered, her expression serious.

  With a groan, I leaned forward. “I really thought this would help.”

  “What would help?”

  “Going out with Kyle and Konnor,” I answered, taking a drink of my iced tea. “I wanted to prove to myself that I could move on.”

  “From Rhodes?” she asked quietly, her eyes soft and understanding.

  I nodded. “Rhodes and I aren’t a thing. We never have been. So, why the heck did it feel like I was cheating on him the entire time I was out with them?”

  “Because you love him?”

  “I don’t want to love him,” I said stubbornly, frowning.

  Skye smiled. “Trust me. That I can understand.”

  “Says the girl with the perfect mate,” I grumbled, shooting her a glare with no heat behind it. I really couldn’t fault her for loving Remy.

  “He is kind of perfect, isn’t he?” she agreed, her eyes sparkling as she giggled. Her hand went to the throat, touching the silver pendant again. “It’s kind of annoying sometimes.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah. You seem completely miserable.”

  “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” she asked seriously after a long pause.

  I froze, my heart thumping painfully in my chest. “Because.”

  “Because why?” she pressed, not willing to let it go.

  I huffed, folding my arms over my chest. “Because he’s … Rhodes.”

  Her head jerked back and she made a face. “What does that mean?”

  “Rhodes has been one of my best friends for as long as I can remember,” I told her honestly, ignoring the way saying his name made my heart ache. “He’s made it pretty clear what he expects out of relationships from the girls he’s with. You know what? You can’t even call them relationships. Rhodes doesn’t do relationships. And I am the ultimate relationship girl.”

  Skye looked at me quizzically. “Have you ever been in a relationship?”

  “Semantics,” I said, waving a dismissive hand. “It’s a figure of speech. Rhodes sees me like a little sister. Like a fuzzy kitten or something. Not a girl he would …” I trailed off, blushing.

  She leaned forward, resting her elbow on the table and propping her chin in the palm of her hand. “Not a girl he would what, Lark?”

  “Screw into the floor?” I said with a helpless shrug, my cheeks heating.

  She barely blinked. “Do you want him to screw you into the floor?”

  Yes. Please, God, yes.

  “I don’t know,” I mumbled, embarrassed and flustered. I couldn’t help but think back to last night when I talked to Rhodes outside.

  And he didn’t have a shirt on.

  Coming up behind him, I had a good chance to study his back and the hard muscles roped across his shoulders. I thought my tongue would fall out of my mouth when he turned around and I saw his chest.

  Rhodes was all male perfection. Just the right amount of muscle and all of it defined, from the ridges of his abdomen to the hard planes of his chest. What really did me in was the sharp lines above his hip bones that formed a perfect ‘v’ all pointing down, down, down.

  “Hmm,” she hummed. “Your mouth says no, but your red cheeks and heavy breathing say hell yes.”

  I swirled the straw in my cup. “You know, sometimes, I imagine telling him I’ve been in love with him since I was little, and I want to be with him.”

  Skye pressed her lips together but didn’t say anything.

  I let out a shaky laugh. “And then I think of him laughing at me. Or worse, looking at me with pity. Either way, it would ruin our friendship.”

  “Rhodes would never laugh at you,” Skye said gently. She reached across the table and took my hand in hers.

  She was right. One of the things I loved most about him was how much he joked and looked for the fun in everything, but he also knew when to be serious. When I was eleven and my grandma died, he snuck into my room every night for a week to make sure I fell asleep okay.

  I think that was when I fell in love with him.

  Rhodes wouldn’t laugh because deep down he was a good guy.

  “The idea that I might lose Rhodes in my life is too much,” I whispered. “I’ll deal with my feelings as long as it means I get to keep him as my friend.”

  Her hand squeezed mine. “I still think you should talk to him. You might be surprised.”

  I gave her a smile in return, knowing there was no way I would ever lay my emotions at Rhodes’ feet. Whatever pieces of my heart still functioned would be decimated if Rhodes turned me down.

  “How have you been sleeping?” I asked suddenly, needing to change the subject before I started crying.

  Skye blinked. It was like watching the gate in a castle lower behind her eyes as she locked down her feelings.

  “Fine.”

  “I can still call Katy,” I reminded her, only half-kidding.

  Her lips twisted in a bitter, humorless smile. “Okay. Some nights are better than others.”

  “Is Remy still coming over at night?”

  Sighing, she nodded. “My mom would probably freak if she knew he spent the night with me almost every night.”

  I reached across the table for her hand. “Skye, you almost died. You were kidnapped by a guy who spent his life terrorizing you. I think you’re allowed to want your mate with you.”

  “I hate night time,” she whispered, fury heating her words. “It’s like when the sun goes down—”

  “—the monsters get the scariest,” I finished for her. I knew that. I lived that.

  “Yeah.” Her mouth turned down. “Remy doesn’t even wait for me to call him now. He just shows up. I don’t even lock my window anymore so he can get in whenever.”

  “Having a tree outside your window is convenient for late-night visitors,” I added with a shrug.

  She traced the ring of condensation around her drink with a finger. “I do think it’s getting better. I mean, I’m having less nightmares.”

  “That’s good.”

  “But when I do have them…” She trailed off, her eyes clouding over before she shivered. “It’s not even the same nightmares. Sometimes I’m in Long Mesa, sometimes I’m on the cliff … Sometimes I’m in bed with Remy, and then suddenly it’s Cassian there instead.”

  I nodded, swallowing roughly. I totally understood that. I still had nightmares from when Trace had cornered me in a bathroom during a dance. The feral look in his eyes, the tearing sounds of the fabric when he ripped my dress, hands groping…

  Night was always the worst. It was when memories twisted into a reality I couldn’t escape.

  “But it’s better when Remy’s there?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I know Cassian’s dead. Everyone who was there said he didn’t survive the fall. But maybe if I had seen his … body,” she grimaced, “or something, I would know it’s real?”

  “Maybe go to his grave?” I offered. That sounded even stupider when I spoke it out loud than when I thought it.

  She huffed out a laugh. “If I knew where it was, I might.”

  When Cassian and Skye went over the cliff, the main focus had been Skye and saving her. While Trace and his allies escaped, they had taken Cassian’s body with them to cover up that he had ever been there and that the Norwood pack was involved.

  “Besides, he’s probably buried in Long Mesa. It’s not exactly on my road-trip list.” Skye sipped her drink.

  “I wish you could have closure,” I murmured sadly.

  Her serious gaze met mine and held.

  My wolf squirmed inside of me, and after a beat, I looked away.

  It was amazing anyone could have ever mistaken Skye for an omega.

  “You never got your closure either,” she reminded me softly. “How are you doing?”

  “I’m—” I stopped when I saw her raise an eyebrow. “I’m better. I still have nightmares, too, but they’re not like they were. Besides, Trace is gone. At least I won’t have to deal with him next semester, or ever again.”

  She touched my wrist. “I’m here if you ever want to talk. You know that, right?”

  Sniffling, I pulled back and tried to wipe my eyes without her noticing while nodding. The movement had me looking out the windows of the food court where I could see the skies growing grayer.

  “Looks like that storm is coming sooner rather than later,” I remarked, jumping at the chance to change the subject.

  Skye’s eyes followed mine, letting me out of the conversation. “Oh, wow. Should we go?”

  “Sure,” I said, gathering my bags. “Am I still taking you to Remy’s?”

  She nodded, picking up her one shopping bag. I tried not to sigh at the difference.

  “Mallory asked me to come for dinner. Remy will drive me home later,” she replied. “You’re welcome to stay, too.”

  I shook my head. “Thanks, but I’m good. Since my parents are gone, I’m going to curl up in front of the tv with a movie and ice cream.”

  “Sounds fun.” Skye smiled at me as we started walking back towards where I parked the car. “Your parents went to … Iowa?”

  “Idaho,” I corrected with a laugh. “They’re visiting my Aunt Lucy, who is my mom’s best friend.”

  “You didn’t want to go?”

  I shook my head. “No. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet. Plus, I still need to finish my independent study report so I can get the extra English credits I need to graduate this spring.”

  She hip checked me with a warm chuckle. “Dork.”

  “Maybe.” I shrugged and dug the car keys out of my poc
ket as we headed for the doors. “Have you started working on your college applications?”

  Skye groaned, pushing the door open as we stepped out into the cold. “Yes. Remy’s helping, but it’s taking forever. They want an essay on my hardest challenge I’ve faced. I’m not sure writing about growing up in a whorehouse and killing two people is what they have in mind, though.”

  I unlocked the car and tossed my bags in the back seat of the Jeep my parents let me use when I was home. “You definitely have more life experiences than most. Don’t forget your three week coma. I bet other people can’t use that in their application.”

  Laughing, she got into the car and shut the door. I got in on my side and started the car, blasting the heater.

  “It still feels surreal, you know? The idea that I might be going to college?” She rubbed her hands together and wouldn’t look at me.

  “It’s not an idea,” I corrected, putting the Jeep in gearing and pulling out of the spot. The West Falls Mall was about twenty miles outside of Blackwater, but the roads were mostly empty as people stayed home, preparing for the impending snow storm.

  “You’re going to college,” I told her firmly. “You, me, Katy, Remy – we’re all going.”

  “And Rhodes?” she added.

  I snorted. “Rhodes is one of the smartest guys I know, but he seems determined to wallow in unfulfilled potential.”

  Skye burst out into a fit of laughter. “‘Wallow in unfulfilled potential?’ Maybe it’s time to lay off the thesaurus.”

  I slapped her shoulder as I merged onto the road. “Hush, you.”

  The drive back to Blackwater was fast with no traffic and Skye keeping me laughing the whole way back. As much fun as shopping with her was, watching her listen to songs on the radio was even better.

  Snow was starting to fall as I pulled up in front of the Alpha house at the top of the mountain. I put the car in park, ignoring the kick to my heart when I saw Rhodes catch a football that one of Remy’s brothers launched at him. All four looked to be in the middle of a game of football, that Remy quickly abandoned when he saw us pull in.

  The Jeep had barely stopped before Skye was getting out and sliding into Remy’s arms as he pulled her from the inside of the Jeep with a grin.

  “Have fun?” he asked her softly, his hands coming up to frame her face.

  “Yeah,” she answered with a smile, lifting to her tiptoes to kiss him.

  Smiling, I looked away. My expression froze when I saw Rhodes staring at me, his hand curled around the football at his side.

  “Hey, Larkin.”

  Remy’s greeting made me jump. I turned and looked at him. “Hey, yourself. I better get going. The storm’s coming in faster than I thought.”

  A light coat of snow already covered the road behind me.

  Skye wrapped an arm around Remy’s waist, pressing herself to his side. “Are you sure you don’t want to stay?”

  I shook my head. “I should get home before it really starts coming down.” I hated driving in snow, even in a four wheel drive vehicle.

  “Can you give me a ride?” Rhodes asked, coming up to the open passenger door.

  “I thought you were staying for dinner,” Remy said with a frown.

  Rhodes shook his head. “I’ll catch a ride home with Larkin. That way you don’t have to drive me back.”

  “I’m already driving Skye home,” Remy reminded him. “It’s no big deal to drop you off, too.”

  Rhodes jumped into the vacant passenger seat, pulling on the seatbelt. “Skye lives in town, and I’m the opposite direction. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  “You sure?”

  Rhodes nodded. He grinned at Skye. “How’s it going, Skywalker?”

  “Pretty good, Rhodey,” she replied with a warm smile. She reached out, briefly touching his arm as he walked by. “Call us if you need anything?”

  “Will do,” he replied quickly, closing the door. He gave me a smile. “Ready?”

  I put the vehicle in gear and spun us around to drive back down the mountain. Halfway down, snow was falling even heavier and the road was completely covered.

  “I can drive if you don’t want to,” Rhodes offered, his tone nonchalant as he glanced at me.

  My hands tightened around the wheel. “I think I’m okay.”

  “You’re choking the steering wheel, baby girl.”

  “So I can control the car, Rhodes,” I snapped, ignoring the nickname he had used for years, but rarely called me anymore. I was too stressed to think about that. I filed it away to mentally unpack tonight when I was safe in my bed.

  My knuckles ached from the deathgrip I had on the leather. I really hated driving in snow.

  “You’re doing fine,” he said gently. “But I don’t mind driving.”

  I made it to the bottom of the mountain and put the car in park at the stop sign. I refused to look at Rhodes as I undid my seatbelt. “Okay, you drive.”

  To his credit, Rhodes didn’t crack any jokes. He got out of the Jeep, coming around the front and opening my door.

  “Sorry,” I muttered, sliding down until my feet touched the ground. It was so stupid. How could I not drive three freaking miles?

  “Hey,” he said softly, his index finger tipping my chin up to look at me.

  I blinked as a snowflake caught on my lashes.

  “You did great,” he told me, his voice soft and warm. “It’s fine, Lark.”

  “I’m a wimp,” I replied, my shoulders drooping.

  His lips curved into an adorable smile. “No, you’re not. You just don’t like driving in shitty weather.”

  “Thanks,” I murmured, tilting my head back a little more to look at him.

  His dark eyes were unreadable as he looked down at me, and for just a second, I thought I saw his gaze dip to my mouth. I licked my lips as anticipation zipped through me, the pull strong enough to sway me on my feet.

  His eyes definitely caught that. He swallowed roughly, and I realized how close we were standing together as snow swirled around us on the empty street.

  “We should get going,” he said softly, stepping back. A gust of cold wind chilled me as it whipped into the vacant space between our bodies, chilling me more effectively than any cold shower.

  Clearing my throat, I stepped around him and walked around to the passenger side, climbing in. He put the Jeep in drive as I clicked my seatbelt into place.

  “Are your parents home?” he asked after several minutes of silence. “I haven’t seen them in a few days.”

  “They went to visit my aunt in Idaho,” I told him.

  “Right,” he mused. “You didn’t want to go this year?”

  “I wanted to stay home,” I replied, not wanting to get into the whole extra credit thing. I almost rolled my eyes. I could practically hear him call me a nerd in my head. That one word would seem so offensive to most, but he had always said it with warmth that made me feel gooey and special.

  I wasn’t a nerd; I was pathetic.

  “How was your Christmas?” I asked, trying to switch topics.

  “Good,” he replied with a shrug, turning onto a side street. “Quiet. I stayed home.”

  “You should've come over,” I replied, looking out the window. Every year my family asked Rhodes to spend the holiday with us, but every year he declined.

  He was too good a guy to leave his dad alone for the holiday, even if the latter was too unconscious to know the day had any special meaning.

  “How’s your dad?” I questioned gently. It bugged the hell out of me that Rhodes’ dad couldn’t be bothered to act like a parent.

  Rhodes was quiet for a long minute. “He’s gone, actually.”

  “Gone?” I repeated dumbly, my head swinging around to study him in profile.

  His jaw clenched, his hand flexing around the steering wheel. “He went to rehab.”

  Shock washed over me, and then total joy for him. “Rhodes, that’s amazing!”

  He grunted in reply.

  “That’s not amazing?” I asked slowly, trying to read his blank expression.

  He shrugged. “It’s whatever. We’ll see if it sticks.”

  “Maybe it will,” I said in a small voice, wanting to be hopeful for him.

  He pulled onto our street. “Maybe.” He pulled onto the driveway in front of my house, putting the car in park. He raked a hand through his long hair and glanced at me.

  I took a deep breath. “Rhodes-“

  He opened the door. “I’ll see you later, Lark. Call me if you need anything.”